Thursday, January 18, 2007

When Short Is Sweet

In the comments on yesterday's query madness entry, Ann(ie) said:
One truth I can pass on about query letters: brief is better.

I said as much on my blog, but let me elaborate here. The number one mistake authors make is trying to sum up the WHOLE story in the query letter. It gets long, overly detailed and makes the agent/editor think the author doesn't know how to self-edit. The (sometimes erroneous) conclusion then becomes that if the query letter is that unwieldy, the novel must be one bloated mess, so they just reject and move on.

What needs to go into that first paragraph is word count, hook, and genre, and that's all, really. They'll find out whether your writing is right for them by reading it. Get them reading your pages and if they're good enough, you're set.

I think this is absolutely right with one caveat: you can cut your description of your story to three or (at most) four sentences if you're sending your partial with your letter. The only purpose of the query letter in this case is to induce the recipient to read your pages.

I'm not sure you should try for quite that degree of "lightness" if you're querying an agent/editor to get a request for a partial, though. Agents and editors differ in whether they want only a query letter or whether they'll take a partial and (typically) a synopsis along with the query.

My guess is that it behooves you to have two versions of your query letter: one that accompanies your partial and one that tries to convince the agent/editor to request your partial. Both should be short, sweet, and hooky, but the first can be a lot shorter and sweeter than the second. Because if the person you're querying doesn't have your pages, a single paragraph about your story may not be sufficient to convince her you can string enough sentences together to produce an actual book-length novel.

I do have a much shorter version of my query letter that I plan to use when I submit to agents who'll take the partial up front. It goes like this:
What's a duke's daughter to do when her ideal man arrives on her doorstep in a most unsuitable package? Why, live in sin, of course! Too bad the object of her affections will settle for nothing less than "I do."

Living in Sin, a completed 100,000 word single-title historical, finished third in the 2006 Golden Rose and is a finalist for the 2006 CONNections Award. I am a member of RWA and several specialty chapters. I hold a Master’s degree in Classics from the University of Chicago and write technical training materials by profession.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

I think it's pretty hooky, sets up the conflict nicely, and is definitely short and sweet, but could I really get away with something that short if the agent wasn't getting my pages with my letter? I'm thinking no, but then, I'm a rank amateur at this and have never sent an unsolicited partial or received a request for a partial from a query (I'm still waiting on my first attempt), so maybe I'm all wet and I should use the short-but-sweet route for everyone.

Thoughts? Opinions? Raw tomatoes?

6 comments:

Ann Aguirre said...

Hm. You could certainly put three to four sentences in that first paragraph about the story, I think, in addition to your hook. Just be careful not to overwrite the synopsis.

Jackie Barbosa said...

Hi Annie! I think my problem is I feel I can either boil my story down to these three sentences or I need the three whole paragraphs I have in the longer version of the query. I don't know if I have an "in-between", LOL!

Thanks for the thoughts, though. (Or were those raw tomatoes?)

Ann Aguirre said...

Definitely not tomatoes.

What I do in query letters is use a blurb. Shooting for 200 words or less, I write up what I imagine would go on the back of the novel in paperback form and include that in the query letter in place of synopsis. I find it works very well for getting partial requests. When I was querying for an agent, I sent 15 query letters and received 10 requests for partials. That's pretty good I think.

Jackie Barbosa said...

Hmmm, the "long" version of my query letter is pretty close to what I imagine going on the back of the book and is 211 words (I just counted!). I'm sure I could trim a few words out of it here and there to get it down under 200.

So, I think I'm pretty much there, lengthwise. Content-wise, quien sabe?

Jackie Barbosa said...

Hi Leigh,

I sent out one query letter just to "test the waters." I'm assuming the most I would get from that is a request for a partial, and the partial's ready.

My goal right now is to have a full I could be comfortable sending out (even though it might not be the FINAL full) by the end of this month. It might take into early February, but I can't imagine getting a request for a full before then!

Beverley Kendall said...

I like it!!! Nice and hooky. Even though the novel is called Living in Sin, I really didn't realize that that's what they would be doing by the contents of the other query letter (They will be living in sin won't they?) ;)


Bev